Many people in the world speak to me on an almost daily basis. These people range from young to old, decrepit to old, and chinese to old. Needless to say, some of the people I talk to are old. Now the problem with this is that contemporary music tends NOT to be old. It is widely believed that things from two different groups cannot truly integrate. This, of course, is entirely false.

The key to integration is to find the common links, and then bend them to your will. "What are the common links between old people and contemporary music?", you may ask. Well it's just lucky for you that you asked me. Now you see, contemporary music often has 'lyrics' which is a fancy way of saying 'shit words that sometimes rhyme'. Old people don't particularly like, nor understand these 'lyrics'. This is because old people have an older, slower, and more combersome vocabulary (A 'legacy' vocabulary, if you will).

So for those of you who cannot see the plain link between the two which I have just described, let me point it out to you

Old people would like contemporary music if it used big words.

Or, for the older audience

Overly aged members of society, both here and abroad, encompasing all who believe that the sound generated by the youth with their electric guitars, and over-sized percussion implements, which create a deafening abomination before all those who are encompased by this statement does not abide by the rules, regulations, and theoritical teachings laid down in years gone by to define that which is, and should always be thought of as 'music'; would be more inclined towards listening to such a deafening racket if the collective vocabularium of the youthfull layabouts creating said din were to increase in size and complexity, allowing for words which mean mostly the same as their shorter counterparts, but are extended in length beyond said counterparts.

With this in mind I shall begin editing lyrics of songs, line by line, in order to bring them into line with older audiences, and thus increasing the potential market. At the same time I will endevour to make these songs both more politically correct, and reduce the level of vulgarity The first song to re-hit the charts will be the now classic 'Freak' by Silverchair; or as it shall now be known, 'Distasteful Member of Society'.